USS Atlanta talk by Liam Allen

 

The next best thing to diving is talking diving. However, a better thing than talking diving is a diving talk. You get it? Diving talks tend not to happen in Northern Ireland at all, but thanks to the inspiration loving entity Stephen McMullan, diving presentations are becoming increasingly popular in the South of Ireland with the inception of 'The Two Principles' talks. I only managed to attend one, from the legendary Barry McGill, which was brilliant. I vowed not miss another if possible.

 

That specific series of presentations concluded, and again Ireland was devoid of diving chat; until Stephen announced Liam Allen would be presenting the USS Atlanta dive he spearheaded. I was thrilled. Not only was it a deep wreck expedition presentation, but a GUE related talk as well, and from an Irish man. Awesome.

 

Needless to say I picked up two tickets immediately, informed Wifebuddy we'd be attending, and she would be driving as I would be drinking beer. A mere €10 covered both tickets, and all proceeds were going to charity. Win, win for everyone!

 

 

 

Thursday evening came, Kerri and I jumped into the Ford Boring and drove the 100+ miles over the now defunct border to Dun Laoghaire. It's pronounced 'Done Leary' by the way, as opposed to 'Don Log-hair'. Just to clarify, I have no Irish vocabulary what so ever. 2 hours later we were parked up and made our way to the very posh Royal Marine Hotel. The nice girl in reception was able to tell us where the talk was being held, and we were an hour early. An hour early was fabulous news as I could enjoy beer in the posh bar; which I did ... Carslberg, no less. The night was off to a great start.

I spied a few diver faces around the bar, along with Linda, our chum from TekCamp 2011. Two pints later we were seated in a splendid conference room, and the talk commenced.

 

Stephen introduced the evening, by introducing Mike Griffiths, who introduced Liam Allen. Liam explained he would only chat for 40 mins or so, then we could go grab another pint and return for the documentary video. As well as being an established diver, Liam is an excellent speaker. I found him very engaging. It was a cracking topic and, being a GUE fan boy, I was totally stoked at hearing about the project.

 

I don't want to spoil the talk, but he basically described how himself and five other GUE top men successfully dived and documented the USS Atlanta. The USS Atlanta is a light battlecruiser that was sunk during the pacific battle of Guadalcanal after being severely damaged by both enemy and friendly fire. She lies at a respectful depth of 130m in the South Pacific near one of the Solomon Islands.

Liam chatted about the history involved, the ship, his team, logistics and the plan. Amazingly the guys were hitting bottom times of 35 minutes towards the end of the expedition. As promised, less than hour later I managed to acquire another pint and prepared to watch the documentary; "Return to the USS Atlanta: Defender of Guadalcanal"

 

The documentary was phenomenal. The actual documentary part was brilliant, but the underwater footage was breathtaking - pure HD quality, AND it was only the second time the film had been aired in Europe. The video was a splendid backdrop to Liam's talk, and added a wonderful visual element to the very informative presentation. Some heart wrenching footage of survivors from the wreck was a tough watch, many an eye in the room was welled up, but it was a great addition nonetheless.

 

All too quickly it was all over. With a lengthy drive ahead, Kerri and I thanked Stephen, introduced ourselves to Liam, thanked him also for a great evening, said 'hello from Rich Walker,' and sloped off to the Ford Boring. Meeting Liam was very cool, and he reciprocated it was nice to meet the 'entire' Northern Ireland GUE diving force.

 

I strongly recommend that all divers attend Liam's USS Atlanta talk if you get a chance; it's fab!

 

Watch the trailer here.

 

GUE Tech 1, Croatia - PART THREE: I'll be back in a minute.

As i wholly expected from my GUE-F experience; the longer a GUE course progressed, the longer i needed to sleep. My alarm had been extinguished with appropriate wrath, and i finally convinced myself to get up to see what delights Kerri had prepared for breakfast. 

The dining table was now a familiar sight of bread, cheese and a severe lack of bacon. Kerri had made the kind gesture of attempting to make me tea. I was touched; Im a bit of a tea junkie, and the coffee wasn't to my taste. The tea process involved tea leaves, the croatian kettle and a sieve. 

I tried to drink it. I ended up back on coffee.

Rich had made it explicitly clear we were to be at the dive centre sharp-ish as the day would consist of mostly diving, which pleased me greatly. Kerri and I got our gear sorted and waited patiently for Liam to drive us to the dive site. 

As Kerri and I stood by the front door, Liam poked his head around the doorframe of his bedroom; 

"Meet you at the car - i'll be there in a minute."

10 minutes later we were on the road.

Once at Krnica Dive Centre i received a hearty hand shake from Tony, and a nod from a dubious looking fella who guarded the entrance from his coffee table. We herded ourselves into the shop and were directed to our 32% filled twinsets waiting eagerly for a days diving. Rich wasn't far behind and announced we should get our gear together and meet outside for 'complex failures.'

Kerri analysing 32%

As with every GUE training, the initial stage is a land drill. Kerri jumped into a twinset and Rich presented a manifold failure, explaining the process of sorting it out. I won't bore you with the procedure, it's extremely logical, but takes a couple of go's to get the hang of; it's all rather clever. Atypically, the process simply built upon the foundation we had established the day before. I really enjoyed the failures and was dying to get into the water to try it for real; well, simulated real. 

(c) Wreck & Cave

Next on the agenda was gas switching. A GUE Tech 1 diver can only carry one deco gas, so it's difficult to make a balls of a switch, but as with everything GUE; the instructor installs good practice from an early stage. We were shown how to configure our stage bottles and the protocol for a gas switch. I was very familiar with stage bottles, as I have been tech diving for over 12 months, but the subtle changes in set up and gas-switch were interesting. I had the bottle rigged the way i did at home, slightly differently to the way Rich had his bottle configured. I enquired;

"Is this setup OK?"

"Yep. Whatever suits you, but have a think about your future diving; what if you end up carrying more stages at some point?"

I love those conversations with Rich. He has a wonderful way of letting students work things out themselves and make their own adjustments accordingly. 

It was no big deal, i simply had my reg routed slightly differently. I wasn't asked to change it, just to think about adding extra bottles and locating the second stage. I was sold within minutes; GUE is clever sometimes. 

I have since dived  with the bottle rigged my original way - it was weird and unintuitive, and have gone with how i was taught at Tech 1.

Post drills Rich asked what appeared to be a simple question; 

"Do you want food now, or later?"

I imagined a 2 hour dive max, and consequently led the group into opting for eating after the dive. Rich was cool with that and we headed for the wet stuff. It was so easy. 

We knew the score from the previous day, and quickly loaded our twinsets into the van, preparing for the gentle stroll to the shore. Except Liam. Rich enquired; 

"Where's Liam?"  

"He's just getting changed. He'll be here in a minute." 

"OK. Cool"

10 minutes later Liam appeared, half dressed, and we sauntered down to the dive site. Liam conducted GUE EDGE and we entered the water behind our intrepid leader. I was really excited, but super nervous at the same time. Although we were at an early stage, i felt the class was going really well. I was enjoying diving, felt comfortable in the water, and most importantly Rich seemed happy with us; not that the man gives a hell of a lot away - but he wasn't complaining, so i took that as a positive. 

The plan was simple. Rich dictated how the dive would progress; 

"Descend. Lay line. Shit will happen."

Our team encircled the drop line, formed a triangle and Liam signalled the beginning of the dive. We descended. We laid line. Shit happened. Oh God, did shit happen.

DIVING

I don't completely recall what happened over the following FIVE HOURS … 

It was a blur of drills, debriefs, reel work, line laying, gas switches, lost gases, manifold failures, reel dumping, OOG, lost masks, lost lights, smb deployment and dead divers … 

It was madness.

It was all going pretty damn well until the very last ascent. We had dealt with a lot of shit. I was enjoying it, but i hadn't realised just how exhausted and dehydrated i had become. It was soon evident. 

As our team encircled the shot line for a final ascent i decided, in my ultimate wisdom, that the team needed to reposition. I have no idea why; we were in a fucking triangle. 

Either way, i determined it was of the utmost importance and i wouldn't be ascending until it was perfect. That progressed to an utterly, utterly, dismal display of attempting to communicate a rather complex argument to my wife, who ignores my ramblings at the best of times, and a guy i hardly knew. 

In all fairness the team were very accommodating, but hadn't the first clue what i was trying to say. Half way through the 'conversation' i too had lost any clue of what i was trying to say.

After what seemed like an hour of frantic blue gloved lunacy, Rich finally intervened, signalled, quite clearly: 

"Stop chittering and ascend. Now." 

I knew i'd screwed up. As we broke the surface of the Adriatic i looked apologetically at my really confused team members; 

"Yeah … sorry about that. I don't have an explanation. I think i may have gone full retard."

The team agreed, and Rich concurred; 

"You wouldn't have done that 3 hours ago. You're tired. Get out."

Tired and hungry we trailed ourselves ashore. That was a tough dive, probably the hardest i've ever worked underwater. Looking back, it still fascinates me how much the human brain can shut down when deprived of food, water and natural light. It took me an hour or two to settle myself afterwards, but Rich's debrief was very positive; and didn't mention the full retard moment at all, thankfully!

Dive gear stowed, Kerri and I patiently waited outside for Liam, who stated he would 'be back in a minute' as Rich appeared with some tanned fellow in a green GUE shirt. 

Rich had made a friend.

Rich's new friend was Jamie, and was actually a Tech 1 instructor intern student person. We were all formally introduced to the new guy; an Englishman with an Australian accent. It was a bit random. It transpired that his accent was actually New Zealand, rather than Australian. 

He just sounded like someone from 'Neighbours' to me anyway; which amused me greatly and i continually worked out ways to make him say "rack off" or "fair dinkum." Unsuccessfully i might add, but it was still highly entertaining in my own mind. [New Zealand followers can delete me now!!!]

Jamie (3rd from left; not the dog)

Liam appeared 10 minutes later and Rich declared we were getting the 'night off' from academics, which was amazing as we were completely shattered. 

The five of us bundled into Liam's little rental car and we visited a local restaurant for the slowest service ever. I also received an entirely different steak to that which i ordered. I queried across the table if anyone knew what lay on my plate. 

Rich provided me with a very through answer, in a mostly foreign language i didn't understand; leading me to believe it was a perfectly good steak covered in strange sauce. 

I looked at Kerri; 

"Will i like this?"

"Yes."

Good enough for me. I got wired into my weird steak and Rich shook his head in dismay for the last time that day.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

GUE Tech 1, Croatia - PART TWO: I'm very well travelled Mr Squirty

As per any other morning, i was awoken by the hustle and bustle of Kerri busying herself around the house; most likely cleaning something. I dragged my slightly hungover face to the mirror, concluded i looked acceptable to face other humans, and ventured into the kitchen. Liam and Wifebuddy were up very early. and seemed less affected by the OUJJIOZZO, or whatever that Croatian lager is called. I scanned the kitchen; 

"Where's breakfast?" 

*sigh

"We have to go and buy food Andy."

"In a foreign country? I don't even know how to do that at home"

*sigh

SHOPPING

It was soon evident i was not as cultured as Liam, who appeared to have no problem with nipping down to the local supermarket. So that's what we did.

The local 'supermarket' was the only shop the tiny village had to offer, so in the grand scheme of things i suppose it was 'super.' 

We entered the super-market and immediately i was tasked with getting cheese; Liam could sense my inability to shop and obviously figured that i couldn't make a balls of such a simple task. I like Liam.

I gingerly made my way to a large glass covered counter thing; which displayed all sorts of wonderful variations of bacon, ham, salami, and cheese. I presumed if i spoke loudly in my finest Belfast accent the girl would know exactly what i wanted.

"Block 'o cheese please luv."

The blank stare that followed set me back a little, but i'm an adaptable fella and was soon pointing my way to victory. The girl behind the counter gave me the thumbs-up signal, which i reciprocated and all of a sudden i owned cheese. Success! 

Well sort of. I didn't manage to buy very much cheese. I soon figured out the 'thumbs-up' was actually a signal for 1; 100g in fact. I'd bought 100g of cheese. Unable to figured out how to ask for more than 1, i returned to the counter and continually bought 100g portions until I had enough. Genius.

10 minutes later i had lots of packets of cheese, various slices of meat and even 2 loaves, one of which turned out to be rolls stuck together; looked like a bloody loaf to me. By this stage the Liam / Kerri combo had a full shop done, and Rich had appeared, who was staring, slightly slack jawed, at my international correspondence skill set.

As we wandered back to our apartment Liam asked; 

"Do you guys travel much?"

I thought for a moment. I've been to Egypt, Sri Lanka, Maldives, and Scotland.

"Aye. A fair bit."

"Ah yeah, cool. Travelling's great isn't it? This one time in Iran ... "

Liam, innocently unaware of my international CV, proceeded to tell a tale of getting a bus from London to Russia, and visiting all those 'something-istans' in between. Turns out i might not be as well travelled as i thought. I decided at that point Liam could buy the fucking cheese from then on.

Croatian shopping haul

A splendid breakfast of bread, cheese and cold meats followed, which pleased everyone greatly. Liam tucked in and stated to Kerri; 

"This is lovely; lots of fresh bread and cheese. Fantastic"

"Yes Liam, it really is. Lovely fresh bread."

Oh how those words would come back to haunt them...

"Personally i'd rather have bacon." 

Was my unwanted input to the whole thing, as I struggled to pour another cup of coffee from the rather random Croatian kettle.

Croatian kettle

SCHOOL

Liam & Kerri off to Tech 1 school

It was soon 9am and time to go to school. Our team of three grabbed our school bags and headed down to lecture room to learn all about Tech 1 diving. I was totally thrilled about it. I (surprisingly) thoroughly enjoyed the academics at GUE-F level, so i knew the Tech 1 stuff was bound to be awesome.

Rich was waiting, laptop fired up and ready to educate. For the next few hours we were brain deep in gas management, minimum gas, rules of thirds, rules of halves, turn pressures and various other learning. 

Kerri and I had previously taken a technical class, so it was more of a recap, but it was very interesting to see the slight variations between GUE and TDI. 

For a man who knew nothing about tech diving, it was evident Liam was a pretty smart guy and he appeared to keep up no problem.

LUNCH

Classroom was closed for the day and we headed for food at a cafe thing beside the dive centre. I asked the waiter for a menu, and received a polite reply;

"Scampi or Kilimanjaro?"

I recognised the word 'scampi' and was fairly sure Kilimanjaro was a mountain, so i played it safe and went with scampi. I could sense Rich was impressed.

The rest of the table seemed happy ordering mountain. 

Lunch arrived, and i have to admit i was a little taken aback by the dozen small lobsters, heads intact, that were set in front of me. I should have known it was going a little awry when the waiter gave me 'tools' to eat what i expected to be golden crumbed balls of fish meat.

Rich hung his head, and instigated my culinary education on how to eat scampi. Personally, I think Captain birdseye had the right idea... they were lovely though. The remainder of the table had ordered octopus; 'Calamari' apparently, not 'Kilimanjaro.'

LAND DRILLS

Having given all our money away by mistake, as my jovial payment of the bill seemed to suggest to the waiter our change was in fact a tip, we kitted up and headed outside for some land drills.

Land drills included a conclusion to TekCamp's human centipede with  'The human centipede: second sequence,' and simple failures. It was soon  apparent our skills dives were to be conducted whilst simultaneously using a reel. Awesome. Unlike Wifebuddy, my line work leaves a lot to be desired; i knew it was going to be tough going in water.

(c) wreck & cave

The simple failures were excellent. Rich explained how to deal with bubbles coming from the manifold area around the regulator first stage, on each side. The moment we started running through scenarios all our hard work at GUE Fundamentals seemed to fall into place. The dreaded 'valve drill' was all about what we were learning right then. 

Liam sorting Kerri's simple failure

It was mind blowing. 

All the muscle memory was aimed at sorting problems at tech 1 level to minimise gas loss, fix problems and continue with the dive. It was cracking fun and extremely useful stuff. I believe it is referred to as a 'light bulb moment.'

DIVING

Drills done, we were finally ready for the sea. The guys at the dive centre ferried out twinsets, via van, down to the shore, and we waddled along behind. I was mega excited, and mega petrified.

(c) wreck & cave

I conducted GUE EDGE and the 3 of us followed our infamous leader into the drink. Rich dropped a marker bouy line and we descended 9m to the sea bed to begin the drills. We had stages with us, but wouldn't be using them; it was just to get us used to having the ali 80's, or pigs as i like to call them, with us diving. I soon forgot it was there.

(c) wreck & cave

Once settled 30cm from the sea bed, Rich demanded a valve drill from each diver, and an out-of-gas (OOG) drill. I went first, Kerri followed and Liam finished; all text book. It was a little strange to watch Liam conduct the drill identical to Kerri and I. I don't get to dive with other GUE trained divers at home, besides Wifebuddy, and it was great to see how our training was a mirror of each other. It made diving together so simple. The OOG drills were the same; everyone knew what the donor/donate(r) was going to do next - it was awesome.

Rich debreifed on the surface, explained he was happy with our skills, and quickly descended again to conduct some 'simple failures.'

MR SQUIRTY

During our briefing Rich explained he would be using 'Mr Squirty' on the dives. This amused me greatly. Mr Squirty was a weird device attached to an extra hose on Rich's regulators. 

It appeared Mr Squirty was able to deliver a rampant surge of air bubbles on cue. It transpired Mr Squirty was some form of scuba-porn star. During the dive Rich would place Mr Squirty at a particular point on a manifold, and ejaculate compressed air behind your head; the money shot.

"Mr WHO????"

On our dive the three of us were continually laying random areas of line around the bay; tying off onto rocks or bottles embedded into the sand. That focus allowed Rich to sneak up behind me and make Mr Squirty crack off behind my right ear. It was rather startling. The bubbles indicated a leak; i signalled my team, and began the process of repairing the problem. 

We continued for an hour conducting simple failures in this manner. It was particularly enjoyable to watch Wifebuddy practically jump out of her drysuit every time Mr Squirty blew off.

We surfaced, another debrief followed, and we descended for another round; more bubbles, more failures, more OOG. Just as i was feeling particularly pleased with myself i felt a tap on the lens of my mask; a mask-off request.

Balls.

I hate mask off stuff, especially in salt water. I knew it would come eventually, but hoped not on the first dive. I immediately ripped off my mask and it disappeared into the sea (rescued by Rich of course) as i waved my light from side to side in the hope my team were watching me. 

Thankfully Liam (it turned out) got a good hold of my arm as i searched for my back up mask. Unfortunately he developed a cramp at that exact moment and buoyancy got a bit wobbly all round.

Mask cleared, i sorted myself out only to be greeted by Liam having a non-fixable right post failure. We dealt with that and promptly headed back to the shot line. Lights flashed again as Liam had another failure, this time on his left post. I finned close to help sort it; missing the whole point of the exercise. Liam had no posts left and was about to shut off his twinset completely, which in effect left me watching Liam kill himself. Thankfully Kerri was a bit more switched on and donated her long hose to Liam, who seemed equally confused as me, but took it anyway.

We reached the shot, formed a lovely little triangle and began our final ascent of the day. 

(c) wreck & cave

In water time: 3 hours.

We trailed our tired asses from the Adriatic and scuttled back to the dive centre for some well earned dinner at Luna. It was 9pm. It had been a long, hard day ... and it was only DAY ONE.

Oh shit.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

GUE Tech 1, Croatia - PART ONE: Escape from Vienna!

Sometimes you end up having the best fun completely by mistake. Our trip to Croatia was one of those times. Let me explain. My job makes getting holidays at particular times; i.e. when one would actually like them, particularly difficult. As a result I have to 'fit' my diving into specific slots allocated to me throughout the year. Don't you just hate when work gets in the way of diving?

Having successfully completed GUE fundamentals last April, Wifebuddy and I decided to progress with our GUE training and take the next step: Technical Diver Level 1, fondly known in the business as 'Tech 1.' 

It was important to us to stick with GUE instructor Rich Walker, as we trained with him on a few occasions previously and he seems to know what he's at; well, most of the time ... but i'll come back to that. With Malta being the place to train these days, that was our initial plan, but my work decided that wouldn't be happening. 

I had ONE week to complete the class, and the ONLY space Rich had in his diary was in Croatia (he truly is the busiest GUE instructor IN THE WORLD!) Cost? I didn't care, we were going; and we signed up immediately. We were set for Croatia. I'd never been.



A few days later i asked Wifebuddy;

"Where exactly be Croatia?

Is it warm?

Do they have bacon?"

Obviously i didn't receive a reply, but more of a 'you simple, simple man...' look. Left to my own devices, i jumped onto google to find the answer, as i do with the majority of questions i ask Kerri. Croatia is in Europe, used to be part of something-oslavia, is pretty warm and has some awesome wrecks to dive. Coupled with Krnicia dive centre, which is a specialised GUE dive centre, i knew i was in for a fabulous time.

GUE TECH 1

Tech 1 is the first step GUE offer on the open water technical diving side of Jarrod's almighty empire. Completion of the class would allow Wifebuddy and I to dive trimix (up to 18/45), drop to a depth of 51m, alongside accelerated decompression on 50% or 100% oxygen.

Both Kerri and I already possess some technical training, but not the way GUE teach it ... we were apprehensive.






We prepared for the class as best we could; simply polishing all the skills we learned at GUE-F, read all the class materials, practiced swimming, and did our homework. At that stage it was so far, so good. I felt i was in good shape.

DEPARTURE

Stupid o'clock on a Sunday morning we loaded 90Kg of tech gear into the Ford Boring and drove 100 miles to Dublin airport. Yes, there is an airport in Belfast, but due to the time constraints we had to depart Dublin and fly into Venice .. or Viennna ... i can't remember - whichever one is in Italy. Once in Italy we had to drive to Croatia. Oh aye; no need to keep it simple eh?

SECURITY

The checking in process was all going quite well, until we hit security. I knew it would happen; it always does.

"Can you step to the side sir, and kindly explain what these weapons of mass destruction are in your hand luggage?"

"They are scuba regulators. I use them to breathe underwater. I'm going diving."

"Where are you going diving sir?"


"Croatia."

"Croatia?"

"Yes."

"Says on your boarding card you're going to Italy?"

"I am."

It got rather confusing for a moment. I was tempted to explain, but I just said it seemed nice in Vienna and we were going there first.

"Vienna?"

"I mean Venice. The one in Italy."

A blank stare followed.

"That's fine sir, but i would like to advise you in future you'd be best not bringing those with you. We're always going to stop you if you do."


"But i need those to breathe."


"I know, but still sir, but best leave them at home."

I was going to ask her if she tried to kill all airline customers, but felt it may go a little pear-shaped, so decided against it.

"Thanks. I will."

The security wench nodded triumphantly and we were soon on our way to Vienna; or Venice.

ARRIVAL

We arrived in Italy and i immediately felt the warm air enter my lungs; i love that sensation when you first step off the plane. We collected the luggage and met the first hurdle of our trip.


We kinda forgot about the european leg of the journey and omitted to bring any euro. No euro = no trolley = dragging 90Kg of bags across the airport = me bloody knackered and the arse ripped out of the luggage bags.




Thankfully we had purchased some decent scuba bags for this holiday, thus removing the nightmare of "The Monolith" from the Red Tec adventure, but it was still a tough haul.

Fancy new matching luggage

We met "Tony" at the gate, who was sporting a rather homemade page with our names etched on it. It made me feel very important though, which was nice.

We introduced ourselves as the pride of Northern Ireland, and he apologised for his placard.









Tony had been sent from Krnica dive centre in Croatia by 'Maurizio' to pick us up. The poor fella had just driven 3.5 hours, and now had to drive the whole way back. He was very friendly, safe driver, and didn't seem to mind my inane ramblings for the 4 hours that followed.


The car journey was grand. I enjoy being driven, and it was very cool to have been in 5 different countries over the space of 12 hours.

The sun was shining while the air-con kept us cool as we hurtled our way through various borders and highways. Tony took care of all the border patrols thankfully. I liked to think of him as my 'fixer.'

He was very good at it, and successfully transport us from Venice (?) into Slovenia, and finally into Croatia.

There was a definite change once we entered Croatia. It was a little overcast, for which i blamed Tony, and for which he apologised, but the scenery was fantastic.

It was all greenery; fields and trees everywhere. I am fully aware Coratia has a history, but there was no sign of it.








The sights continued for the next couple of hours as the roads became narrower and narrower, and the bends became tighter and tighter, until we finally reached Krnica dive centre.

KRNICA

It was an amazing sight as Tony navigated another crazy hairpin bend, to be greeted by a picturesque harbour. The sea was flat calm and the sun glistened off the various little fishing boats that dotted the pier. It was surprisingly quiet around the dock, and to be honest, it continued that way for the whole of our trip; splendid.

The hand brake declared our arrival, and we stepped onto Croatian soil for the first time. We promptly headed for Krnicia Dive Centre.

KRNICA DIVE CENTRE

Dive centres are usually a bit mental, especially at a resort or a dive school etc. Krnica Dive Centre is far from mental, well, it was a bit, but not in a bad way, more entertaining; but i'll come back to that. As soon as i walked into the shop i was greeted by the hulk of man that is Maurizio.

Over 6 feet tall, and a man who obviously enjoys his grub, the man mountain thrust an arm out for a hearty hand shake and a warm welcome to his dive establishment. I was immediately put at ease, and knew that we would have nothing to worry about our entire stay.


Maurizio asked us if our journey was ok, ensured Tony hadn't upset us in any way, and explained the plan for the day. Everything to do with Murrizio is stripped down to it's simplest level, as a result life is extremely straight forward when he is about.

"You put scuba gear in boxes here, i take you to accommodation in car, i take you to see Rich, you go eat and have beer."

The KISS principal in all it's glory, and we followed his advice to the letter.

All our dive kit was placed in a huge plastic box and slotted into racks against the wall of the dive shop. I was promptly ensured it was my box now, and no one would touch it. I believed Murrizio entirely. It was comforting to see a row of properly banded euro cylinders, alongside a group of ali 80's with Halcyon rigging kits. It was clear the place was more than GUE friendly; it was a GUE hub.

ACCOMMODATION

Scuba stuff sorted, we jumped back into the car and Maurizio took us to our accomodation for the week. It was a cracking little self catering apartment. It suited perfectly; a double room, twin room, bathoom, and kitching / dining area. There was a nice area outside for enjoying the sun, and more importatntly - drying off scuba kit.

Next on the short list was a quick visit to see our instructor; Wreck & Cave's very own Richard Walker.

HI RICH

Despite keeping in regular contact with Rich via the anti-social networks i hadn't 'spoken' to him in over a year, and was looking forward to catching up on all things GUE, and life in general.


Maurizio brought us to Rich's apartment and kncoked gently as he was concerned he would wake Rich up. I couldn't have cared less and was going to blatter on regardless; it's important i let others take charge of such ettiquette.





The door opened and the GUE head of technical training in the UK greeted us wearing only a pink towel around the waist.

"Oh hi guys, sorry ... it's just that i've only been released from prison."

"WHAT????!!!!!"

PRISON BREAK

We allowed Rich to get dressed, but only just, in pure anticipation of how the hell he had ended up in prison. It was all true. Rich had entered Croatia, only to be taken to the side and promptly placed in police custody for the night.


I was very proud. Last time my instructor got in trouble it was a simple ban from a pub, but this was proper rebel shit right here. I never knew Rich had it in him.

Rich explained it was a simple misunderstanding regarding a payment that took place, but the passport people didn't receive word of. He was merely held captive until the issue was resolved. Either way; Rich Walker has served time; making him the coolest dive instructor out there.

I had delussions about a GUE Tech 1 class being done 'on the lamb,' and staging a reinactment for 'Banged Up Abroad' but, alas, there was no more heard of it.




I did enjoy Rich explaining he wasn't able to contact Maurizio initially, and resorted to ringing his girfriend in the UK whilst at her work. I wish i had been a fly on the wall for that reaction.

"Yes darling, it's me. 

Yes, I'm in Croatia now. 

  

 Yes, the flight was good.

Oh, and i've been arrested."

Classic.

LIAM BATEMAN

As the day was drawing to a close we elected to visit the local pizzeria for beer, and strangley enough, pizza. A word of warning, Croatian beer is rather strong, and comes in rather large bottles.

When the waitress came over Rich signalled, "large beer." I figured this to be a swell idea and ordered one as well. They really are big, and they really are strong. 3 and i was done.






As we enjoyed the beer i asked Rich about our 3rd team member. Ideally Tech 1 is conducted with a team of 3, so Rich sourced our comapanian for the week on our behalf. Rich explained he was an English fellow who answered to the name 'Liam Bateman,' but didn't know him personally.

As a GUE student it can be a bit stressful if the team doesn't gel. Our usual team of 2 get on the best, seeing as we're married, but the addition of a 3rd outside party provides a risk of working with a knob. This may sound harsh, but i have no doubt Liam was just as concerned about the 2 Irish knobs he'd been signed up with.

It could just be me, but with a surname of 'Bateman' i believe there is no alternative but to picture Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.

Images conjured in my mind of Liam dressed in a dry suit, wielding an axe, chopping me into small pieces, and promptly chasing Wifebuddy around the apartment with a chainsaw; all conducted to the tune of 'Huey Lewis - Hip to be square.'







Just as my mind wandered even further down a spiral of madness, Liam appeared at the table and we were all introduced. He didn't want to kill me, and didn't have an axe. Liam seemed a grand fellow, we chatted merrily, and our team of 3 headed back to our apartment having enjoyed some salami pizza and one too many beers.










Day one of Tech 1 beckoned...

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6