Is Scuba Diving A Sport?

That was the question a non-diving friend proposed to me, one drunken evening during a party, not long after I began my beloved underwater obsession.

It may be hard to comprehend, but I do actually converse with those that do not scuba dive; admittedly, I am reducing the ratio of non-diver to diver friendships appropriately, mainly due to my consistent rambling about the world of sub-surface delights.

A further testimony is the majority of my friends’ on-line profile pictures all look identical; masked, hooded, have a regulator in their mouth and possess the facial display of a young boy who has just seen his first boob.

The conversation in question was with non-diver Steve. Steve would probably prefer I protect his identity for truly obvious reasons; although I very much doubt he will ever read this, bearing in mind how the discussion about ‘scuba diving is a sport’ finally concluded.

Mid-party, even with Iron Maiden blaring from the stereo, I continued to bore Steve with scuba tales for 20 minutes before he finally cracked declaring;

“Scuba diving isn’t a real sport anyway, now leave me alone.”


As a defender of the ocean I couldn’t let such a statement be spoken so lightly; especially after ten tins of Carlsberg, so I probed;

“What the hell do you mean? Scuba diving bloody well IS a sport. I’m sporty. Goddamit!”

It soon transpired the sole defence to his argument was; a sport is defined by a ‘winner.’ The conversation, admittedly a little hazy now, went something like this:

• THE PROSECUTION

Me: “So scuba isn’t a sport because there’s no winner? Explain.”

Steve: “Ok, take shooting. There’s a sport. A man walks into the woods with a gun and shoots a duck, the duck falls from the sky; dead. The man is clearly the winner, hence shooting is a sport.”

Me: “Don’t be ridiculous. The duck hasn’t got a gun; how’s that sport?”

Steve: “Firstly, I was referring to the shooter beating the ‘other man’ to the kill. The ‘other man’ also has a gun. Secondly; you are an idiot.”



I was less than impressed by this debate and I vainly attempted to silence my outrage. Steve comprehended the quiet as a moment of weakness, and continued his attack:


Steve: “For something to be considered a sport there must be competition.”

Me: “But…”

Steve: “When you scuba dive is it a race to the bottom?”

Me: “No.”

Steve: “Is it a race to the surface then?

Me: “Well, no, you can’t do that because Boyle's Law states…”

Steve: “Is it to see who uses the most oxygen?”

Me: “It’s not oxygen actually, it’s air and no, not exactly; but if you’re SAC rate is…”

Steve: “Are there scuba teams?”

Me: “GUE dive in teams. Ha!”

Steve: “Do they compete against other teams?”

Me: “Well…”

Steve: “Why DO you go diving anyway?”

Me: “It’s amazing; if you just tried…”

Steve: “It sounds pointless. It’s like getting into a car and staring at the steering wheel, but not starting the engine; you just look around the inside for while, then get out.”

Me: “You’re a dick. Get out of my house.”

Steve: “This is my house mate.”



It was around this time the conversation ended. I had to admit I lost the argument, and that is a rare occurrence as it is very difficult to argue with a fool.



Recovered from my verbal battering, I decided it was necessary to construct a defence for scuba diving; just on the off chance the debate reared its ugly head again.



My first port of call was Google; because as we all know, Google runs the world and has all the answers. It is also so powerful Microsoft Word even changes a small ‘g’ to a capital ‘G’ when you type the word ‘Google’ into a document; mind blowing stuff.

GOOGLE: “sport/spôrt/ Noun: An activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others.”

Unfortunately that harms my defence dreadfully. Fuck Google; with a capital ‘F’,



Of course, Wikipedia has the answer where Google fails:

WIKIPEDIA: “Sport is all forms of physical activity which, through casual or organised participation, aim to use, maintain or improve physical fitness and provide entertainment to participants. “

I would kindly draw your attention to the part, and I quote:

“Provide entertainment to participants.”

I don’t know about you, but that sums up scuba diving to me. Ha. Ha. Screw you Google, and screw you Steve.

• THE DEFENCE

Approximately 8 months later I saw Steve in the pub. I immediately bounded over boasting:



Me: “Scuba diving is a sport as it provides entertainment to participants.”

Steve: “What?”

Me: “Scuba diving is a sport as it provides entertainment to participants.”

Steve: “You haven’t spoken to me since my party over 6 months ago.”

Me: “Scuba diving is a sport as it provides entertainment to participants.”

Steve: “What are you on about?”

Me: “Scuba diving. [Short pause] It’s a sport.”

Steve: “Oh Christ, not again.”

Me: “It’s on Wikipedia and everything.”

Steve: “Sorry, what does Wikipedia say again?”



I cleared my throat. I stood straight. I proudly rolled back my shoulders forcing my chest out;



Me: “I quote; [short pause] a sport provides entertainment to participants.”

Steve: “So does masturbation.”

Me: “But …”

Steve: “That makes you a *wanker.”

WIKIPEDIA: *The term wanker originated from British slang in the 1940s.[1] Wanker literally means "one who wanks (masturbates)".

I left, went home and promptly deleted Steve from my facebook friends list.

• CONCLUSION 

I am sorry to report my friends; scuba diving is NOT a sport, and we are not sporty. 

This would certainly explain why the majority of divers are fat, and would somebody please ring ‘Sport’ Diver magazine; they need a name change.


So, what's YOUR verdict? Is scuba diving a sport?