STAR WARS – SCUBA WARS

I’m a big fan of Star Wars.


I remember religiously watching them as child every Christmas, and at every possibility, dressing up as one of the characters. My dad made me a rather splendid light sabre from a drain pipe one particular Halloween; that I continue to play with, after about ten beers.

The light sabre was great, but nothing will top the year my Granny constructed a complete Ewok costume from some rather unconvincing fake fur material. The result was a kind of homeless looking Paddington Bear, possibly addicted to crack.

The battle for the underwater empire

On my last birthday the parents were kind enough to get me the Blu-Ray boxset; praise to High One for the introduction of the Amazon wish list. I thoroughly enjoyed watching all 6 movies over the space of a weekend; the risk of divorce was high, but it was well worth it.



Why do women not like Star Wars?



Upon completion of the Star-Wars-Athon I wondered how the characters would get on when combined with my passion of the scuba world…



DARTH VADER

come to the dark side
Having completed his PADI Open Water and enjoying hundreds of reef dives in the life infested waters of The Red Sea, Darth soon became obsessed with scuba diving. His skills flourished, becoming a star of the local dive shop; others soon came to him for guidance in buoyancy and the refined techniques of fining.

It wasn’t long after that Vader formed GUE. He and his plethora of followers discovered a darker side of diving, retreating to the caves of Florida constantly working on the skills required to take over the underwater galaxy.

He was eventually killed by his own son in the name of UTD.






OBI-WAN KENOBI

Ben basically invented scuba diving. He is very old.

Living out in the hills alone, surrounded by nothing but the great outdoors; Ben went a bit potty. One day whilst preparing a pot of tea, he wondered if it would be possible to breathe underwater.

use the force


With the aid of an old fire extinguisher, a vacuum cleaner and far too much time, Ben quickly worked out a method of surviving breathing in liquid.

Despite being able to make a small fortune selling the units privately, he happily shared his knowledge with a local farm boy; Luke, who subsequently patented the idea, earning a place in the history books.

Ben lives on in the spirit of every scuba diver.



THE EMPEROR

use your anger
This guy had been diving for decades, and knew everything about scuba diving through tried and tested experience. Having become heavily involved in the club diving scene, The Emperor soon realised what was missing – the formation of one club, one reign; a senate.

The Emperor soon introduced GSAC; The Galactic Sub Aqua Club.

Entrance to the club is simple, but once in there is no possibility of leaving. Bureaucracy and red tape hinder all movements and activity.

The banishment of certain styles of kit configuration was The Emperor’s downfall; reports suggest he was strangled with a long hose at the hands of Darth Vader, after refusing him a teaching permit.

This is, of course, unfounded.




JABBA THE HUT

Jabba was noted every weekend at the local quarry, skulking about in his half donned dry suit. He was renowned for having the largest weight belt in the club, and the smallest personality.

Jabba suffered frequent problems finding a dive buddy, and so spent most of his time sweating; perched on a nearby bench barking orders and advice to new divers.

Jabba’s dive rig was like a Christmas tree and it was thought he choked upon getting entangled in his own McMahon reel.



A student diver, Princess Leia, was present at the time but saw nothing.



HAN SOLO

Everyone loves to see Han arriving at the dive site. When not diving, Han can be seen vigorously working on his big 4x4; he loves that old truck and swears someday he’ll get the turbo fixed.

He’s the crazy, risk taking diver that everyone wants to be. Han loves to cave dive and is forever discovering new systems; always making it back to the surface with just 1bar of air in his tanks.



Han has been known to get himself in a trouble the odd time, mostly at the dive shop, especially as he’s a bit of a ladies’ man.

Also bear in mind that wherever Han goes, his long-haired-stoner-hippy-dive-buddy Chewy is never far behind.



LANDO CALRISSIAN

"Trust me!"
Long time dive buddy of Han Solo, Lando is also a popular guy on the dive scene. Lando is a bit of a wheeler dealer, currently running a second hand dive shop; Cloud City.

Renowned for his killer smile, many a diver has left his shop with a dual bladder wing and a pair of split fins they weren’t sure they really needed.













LUKE SKYWALKER

I know everything already
Luke Sykwalker is simply a pain in the ass. 

Currently a PADI Divemaster Luke thinks he knows everything; is constantly studying, yet never manages to complete his instructor exams. Luke is proficient in dive theory but lacks the dive techniques, constantly striving to become an instructor trainer.

If Luke slowed down a little he could be brilliant, but is overly focused on living up to his father’s reputation.

No one really likes him.



YODA

decompress you must
Yoda was a clever little fellow who studied the science of diving, as much as the physical activity. Although small in stature, Yoda was one of the finest divers to grace the sea, yet didn’t show his skills too often.

He was predominantly known for his teachings and writings, including “Deco For Divers.” His book was initially branded witchcraft, as it speaks of using the force rather than relying on technology, but was later cleared of all associations with the dark side.

Although often difficult to understand, Yoda will be missed dearly.



PRINCESS LEIA

I look good!
Diving is a male dominated sport, yet there is always one wee girly set to change the norm. Leia is a feisty wee minx and insists on doing things all her own way.

She cannot be told anything, is cheeky and always carries her own twinset. Leia is constantly flirting with the male divers at the club, and thought to be doing a line with Han Solo.

Most divers will have to admit she does look well in a 2 piece wet suit.




BOBA FETT

Boba Fett was a solo diving, scooter loving, rebreather fanatic. Boba modelled himself on Phil Short, right down to his black VR Sentinel unit.

Some believe Phil had cloned himself and sent Boba into caves before him as a safety precaution; as the miners did with canaries in the olden days.





Nevertheless, Boba’s passion was deep caves, and it was the mouth of the Sarlacc cave system that claimed him.

Han Solo was thought to be involved in the incident, but swears he couldn’t see anything at the time due to silt out.







R2D2

This unit is favoured among deep wreck and cave divers, often known at the Blue & White Box of Death. Despite early scrubber problems, the model is actually the safest rebreather on the market and certainly more reliable than the previous incarnation; R5D4.

Spokesperson for R2 Technology, Anthony Daniels, explained at DEMA that the R2D2 is the closest thing you can get to diving a twinset.







Use The Force

Darth Short


So there you have it, the Galactic Empire of the scuba world. Safe diving everyone!




Did I leave anyone out?

9 comments:

  1. This is great! I think most of us have had a runic with most if not all of these characters

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  2. Cheers guys!

    Yeah, i think we all have experienced Scuba Wars at our local site.

    Glad you enjoyed the post peeps! :D

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  3. love the post!!! especially Darth Short !!! who's a good friend lol

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  4. Yes Vek; Phil is the Dark Lord for sure!

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  5. C3PO

    Upset everyone at the dive club by not wearing a suit when he first started. After several hints he got the message but went and bought a gold single piece.

    Doesn’t dive that much, instead hangs around the pool saying it’s too cold or moaning about sand getting in to the equipment.

    Despite this, his associates still take him on trips, especially the more exotic ones as his language skills come in really useful in the bars, restaurants and other establishments.

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  6. Grand Moff Tarkin.

    Hugely keen wreck diver. Hears rumours of an unknown wreck in the Abu Nuhas system.

    Can not get the co-ordinates and can’t find anyone who has actually been there. He has now taken to interrogating any wreck divers he meets.

    During his latest attempt to find it, he offered the alternative of providing detail about a genuine, military target and ended up in the Zagabad system

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  7. Very cool! The Darth Vader is the better!

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  8. No way dude; BoBo Fet all the way! :D

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Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it!

Safe diving buddy.